Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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