She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
