in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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