That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
