my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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