come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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