you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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