i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
