i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
