We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
