so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
