Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Someone signed my nipple.
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