New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
