I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
