I smell stomach acid.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
