I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
