After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
