I wannas sexs uuuuu
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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