It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
