i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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