if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
