if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Shame is for Republicans.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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