a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize