This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
