I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
