shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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