I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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