OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
