im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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