so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
