Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
