My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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