oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
