is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
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