anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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