Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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