Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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