If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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