I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
