This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
