So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
