woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
