I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize