Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
