i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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