i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize