her vagina looked like bernie madoff
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
