At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
