yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
