You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
