If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
