hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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