I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
