I'm gonna have a badass scar
its not stalking. its research.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
3pm strippers are depressing
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
