Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
