fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
