Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
