Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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