he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
