Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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