my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
