Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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