my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
