after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
