what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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