I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
